How do you know when to call it quits? How do you know it’s the right thing? How do you assure yourself you aren’t making a huge mistake? Or are you making a mistake by staying?
I know marriage can be hard. It’s hard to think about someone other than yourself. Hard to consult someone on every decision you make. But when does hard become too much? I know making any relationship work takes effort. Whether it’s a friendship, dating, marriage, all of it requires some effort. But at what point do you say enough is enough? From my point of view, marriage is exhausting. It’s a constant battle to not throw my hands up, say I quit, and walk away. It wasn’t always like this, so why is it now?? 12 years together, 9 married, and 3 kids later and I’m ready to run for the hills. We were very young when we met and started dating (19 and 16). And yes we had my parents blessing and were very closely watched and restricted as far as dates go. Right at a year in, we were engaged. 2 years, we had our first baby. 3 years, married. 5 years, baby number two. 6 years, bought our first home. 10 years, foreclosure and baby number 3. And now at our 12 year mark, I want out.
I can’t place the blame all on him. I know I’m not the easiest to handle. I’ve grown and changed so much in our relationship that I know what I do and don’t want out of life. And boy this isn’t it. Honestly we have both changed so much and as much as I want to say we have grown together, it’s just not the case. Do I love him? Absolutely! He does have his amazing characteristics. He can still melt my heart at times. How can you not love someone who you have 3 beautiful children with?
To aid in my urge to run from my strained marriage, his mother is the tip of the iceberg. (Or maybe the whole damn iceberg) Alot and I mean ALOT of our struggles stem from her meddling in our relationship. Oh, can’t forget his sister and all her help in the situation. They claim that our youngest daughter isn’t my husband’s child. Unless I’m the flipping Virgin Mary and immaculate conception occured, she’s his child. In everything science proves, you have to have sex with a man for a child to be conceived and if you have only had sex with one man ever in your whole sex life, then the child is his. It’s absolutely infuriating. (A little back story) my place of employment is the biggest rumor mill EVER! His sister and I temporarily worked together. I had a male coworker who had a reputation for sleeping around. He and I were teamed up to work together. So then comes the rumors that he and I are sleeping together and that I even had an affair with our insurance agent. (Where that comes in to play, I have no idea.) A year and a half later after my husband’s mother and sister accuse me of all this, I learn that they have told his entire extended family, so now everyone looks down on me.
Already struggle with anxiety and depression? Let’s just pile on the drama and rumors. My husband doesn’t believe the rumors. Mostly because we suffered a miscarriage when our second child was 2 and it took us 2 more years to decide to try for baby number 3. He says I should just ignore it all and let it go. But how do you let something go that cuts you so deep? How do you allow people, who are supposed to love your child as much as you do, to say such horrible things about your child. One that you love so much and prayed so hard for. How are you supposed to let them think so poorly of an innocent child? Even more than all that, how do you allow someone to say those things to and about your wife and child? How are you so ok with it? If the shoe was on the other foot, you better believe I would have stood up for my family. No matter who it was making those claims. I honestly don’t think I could give a person time of day, not just for saying it, but for believing its truth when it’s not and telling the whole world that it’s fact.
All the drama is just too much. Some days it gives me the motivation to run like hell and never look back, kids in tow. Maybe one day I will get up the courage to say to hell with it all and walk away. But I’m still stuck with the dilemma of when is enough, enough? Or too much? Maybe it’s just over when it’s over.